The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
