And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize