is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
