Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
