My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
