I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bring money and cleavage
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
