You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
