You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
