so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
