Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
