butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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