my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
