my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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