I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
