come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
