How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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