So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
