First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize