She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
