Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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