What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
