i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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