Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
