If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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