I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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