The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
