i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
