Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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