You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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