Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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