So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
