just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
