you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
