Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
