If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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