and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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