Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize