anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
