I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize