i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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