im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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