I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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