i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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