My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
