we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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