If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
