She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
