she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize