Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
