last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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