Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
