OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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