You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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