we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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