Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
