do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
