I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
