covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
this is an emotional support booty call
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
