Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
