your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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