Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
