I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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