i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
