never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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