i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
