Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
