Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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