And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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