Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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