the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
