He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
