umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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