AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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