thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Couch. On fire.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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