I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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