My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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