i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
