you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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