Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize